


strong

by oceandawn



Series: ballum week 2020 [3]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:00:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24643708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceandawn/pseuds/oceandawn
Summary: ben doesn't think he's deserving of what he has — family. he doesn't even know how he's found it. callum doesn't really have an answer, but they don't need one./ ballum week day 3 - family
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: ballum week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779517
Comments: 2
Kudos: 88





	strong

Ben's not too sure how he got here. 

There's laughter all around him, and even if he can't hear it, there's smiles that stretch far enough to indicate as such.

And from where he's sat, snug in his red jacket and black scarf that Callum bought him for Christmas, this is far from what he could've dreamed of having. In fact, he never saw far enough past all the pain and echo of doubt that he'd never  _ truly _ be happy to even  _ begin  _ dreaming.

But he has it, a found family, one he's made all on his own and found in the most unlikely of places.

It makes him smile just thinking about it, as Callum pauses from launching snowballs at the others to take a second to check on Ben. 

And he does this little wave, a giant of his height doing the tiniest of gestures to make sure Ben is always included no matter what. It gives Ben butterflies thinking of how much more he falls in love with him every day, and back when he first met him, it was only a spark.

Now it's like a hurricane, standing in the eye of the storm where it's mellow, almost like a capsule in time where the walls around them are always moving, different pathways to new things. 

Their love is continuous, ever changing, but the main thing they have is how their hands always fit perfectly, how Callum's kisses untie the knots beneath his skin. And then how he works with Ben, moulds and suits whatever Ben needs in life to feel comfortable, to feel  _ Ben. _ Like learning an entirely new language just to make it comfortable for Ben with his new normal, and now, it's everyone's normal.

But having that, knowing they all did it — Jay, Lola, Lexi, Callum — they all did it to make him feel  _ home,  _ to feel like  _ family. _

Callum notices that he's just smiling, and for a moment, tilts his head and signs;  _ are you alright? _

Ben's overwhelmed, sting at the backs of his eyes. He doesn't know why it's just hitting him, that seeing them all having a snowball fight in the middle of a field at their holiday home settles and  _ clicks  _ something in his heart.

As Callum walks over, though, narrowly missing a snowball from Jay that he laughs at, Ben starts to realise what that click is.

Callum reaches for his hand on Ben's thigh, gloves wet and cold from the snow. Ben feels it, the wash of tingles up his body, waves reaching up the shore — belonging, love, a feeling of  _ being  _ in the world he's felt so lost in, thrown around and told to find his own way.

Ben can't stop staring, even when Callum sits down next to him, and they share a smile. It's their own language, silent smiles and long gazes, a bond no words can express.

"You alright?" Callum asks again, knowing he can hear Callum well enough if he's close as he is, shoulder to shoulder.

"Did you mean to fall in love with me?"

Callum blinks. That's not what he expected at all.

"Where's this come from?"

Ben shakes his head, determined to follow this through even if his heart is shaking from being laid bare. Callum's already seen him without armour, under the glow of a soft bedroom light, head on his chest asleep and long away from the scary parts of the world. And then the other times, too, knees buckled under the weight of it all, the weight of his own heart breaking. Even more so when he's held by Callum, kisses planted softly, one by one over his stomach late into the night.

Callum knows all of him, but Ben barely knows why.

"Please—" Ben bites his lip. "Just tell me."

Callum looks away, eyes full of thought as Ben doesn't take his eyes away.

It's a minute before he speaks, and Ben laughs, nervous.

"That hard to think of a reason?" jokes Ben, unaware of the multitude of reasons currently fighting for a chance to shine on Callum's tongue.

"No," he says, sighing. Callum grips Ben's hand tighter, bringing it to his lips, kissing the cold skin of his knuckles. "I don't know where to start. How do I explain how much — how much I love you? How do I say what I feel here?"

He brings Ben's hand down to his chest, keeps it there. And Ben watches his face shift, the sniff Callum does to keep it all back as his eyes shine. Just thinking about it, how much he loves Ben, is so  _ impossible  _ but  _ possible and real  _ that there's no other outlet but relief.

"I didn't think I'd ever find family, not like this, and I never thought I'd find someone like you," Callum turns back to Ben, shy smile on his lips. "You — you  _ love  _ me and I didn't have to ask you to know that. You let me in, allowed me to have a family, to  _ feel  _ like I have a family. We didn't start off great, but I think the start we had showed me how much you're inevitable."

"Inevitable?"

"Inevitable that I'd fall in love with you," Callum shifts, sits sideways so he can rest their hands on his knee. "I'm not sure why you're asking me this now, but know that every time you ask me that question, there'll be another reason, another day that I've spent with you —  _ my family  _ — that I can say  _ yeah, I'm loved." _

Hearing Callum say the word family is everything he's ever wanted, that Callum doesn't feel like an extra pair of shoes in their house, but shoes that belong there, that those shoes and the person attached to them always comes home. That it's  _ their home — Callum's home  _ too.

"You deserve this, Ben, all of it," he gestures out towards the rest of their family. "The family you were born with doesn't need to be the one you work sweat and tears to keep. It should be here, naturally," Callum prods his chest, "Like it's you, part of you, and it always will be."

Ben's head falls, but it's caught by the cold, wet snow on his gloves as he brings Ben closer.

"Family is something you can choose, you taught me that," Callum brushes his thumb over Ben's cheek, focus falling over his face as if he still can't believe it to this day. "And I'll never know the words to say thank you for choosing me. For wanting me to be your family, too."

Ben's speechless, but his eyes close when Callum bumps his forehead to his. It's the universal sign they both use to say  _ you don't have to say anything.  _ Callum knows that Ben isn't good with words, and rather better with actions, and if the way his eyes swell with moisture is any answer to Callum, he takes it with an open heart.

"I should be thanking you," says Ben, breathing in, moving his head to sit in the warmth of the scarf that sits around Callum's shoulders. "You could've had anyone, and you ended up with me."

"Yeah," Callum replies, hand to the back of Ben's head now. "You, Ben. I ended up loving you."

Ben bites his lip —  _ don't say it, Callum. Don't make me love you more. _

"You're all that I need," he kisses near Ben's ear, whispering between them. "I've found my family now, and it's all I'll ever need."

Ben grips the lapels of his coat, and they both sit there in joined silence. It'll take some time for Callum's words to sink in, to believe in them, but knowing they're pooling somewhere in the warmth of his heart, healing old wounds — it's more than Ben can ask for.

"You're strong, you know that?" Callum asks, closing his eyes as the brisk winter wind bites where his face isn't leaning against Ben's hair.

"What part?"

Callum laughs, "Being able to love like you do after everything."

Ben moves his head, now being able to see Lexi, Jay and Lola in the distance under Callum's chin.

"I felt it too, not belonging anywhere. Thinking I didn't deserve to  _ be  _ anywhere," Callum continues, small movements comforting Ben as his fingertips move through his hair. "And then it just — happens. I don't think I'll ever have an answer for that."

"For what?"

"How family finds you," Callum smiles as Lexi throws a snowball that hits Jay square in the face, the disgruntled  _ oi!  _ blaring out towards them. Lexi's giggles carry through the wind.

"How do you think it does?" Ben moves back a bit, peering up to Callum, and Ben feels the same butterflies again when Callum turns back to him, smiles and love painted so easily in the ocean of his eyes.

He doesn't say anything, just kisses Ben softly, then his cheek, and then brings him back to where he was resting on his shoulder before.

"You just know, I think," Callum hears the thud of his heartbeat in his ears, the song of love. "Feels right."

Callum takes another breath, closing his eyes as the snow falls at their feet. He doesn't feel scared, or lonely, or frightened of what the next day will bring.

Because he knows he has his family, has Ben, has the undeniable love and connection with four other hearts.

"It feels like home."


End file.
